Celebrity Reviews: Mancow Muller

Many of the ills of social media and today's digital discourse can be traced to the megaphone that the internet has put in everyone's hand, a loudspeaker that blasts their opinions, all behind the veil of anonymity. But what if you already have a megaphone to boost your signal? Like what if you were a shockjock of the 90s and 2000s whose checkered past made your show's reception sometimes spotty?

You hop online and get to reviewing just like everyone else!

That's right, in this edition of Celebrity Reviews, we're featuring the radio personality (known in Chicago and beyond) as Mancow Muller, host of the storied Mancow's Morning Madhouse, and owner of the Yelp Profile Mancow M.

Look, to make it in radio, you have provoke some sort of response. You speak loudly, you laugh loudly, you poke, prod, offend and defend whatever you see fit. Politics, political-correctness, societal norms and their "collapse;" all of it is called out, dwelled on, etcetera. Some people listen, some people write in how disgusted they are, and sometimes the FCC sends a fine.

So, if you're used to speaking your mind, come what may, with your name on the show, five days a week, then you're going to have no problems speaking your mind online. And that's exactly what Mancow has done.

That "Think!" at the end of the first paragraph is telling. It's the same sort of thing that would occur on Mancow's show, or on an episode of Joe Rogan. It's not exactly fear-mongering, but it's scratching a certain itch for a certain set of people. It's sending a "they're not telling you something" message. A message of THEY vs. US. And in this case, the THEY is clearly China and the US is the US. Sex sells and so does xenophobia, I guess.

Now maybe you think I'm cherrypicking one review to show that Mancow has a boomer mindset, that he's blowing dog whistles for every REDneck to read. I don't know, the Cow has about 250 reviews, and I'm not about to sift through all of them. But here's another from TEN DAYS EARLIER:

There's plenty of room for common ground with the Cow, though. His highlighting of the "nice local girl behind the counter" echoes a review of a taco joint where he is forced to order through a kiosk, but instead leaves for the nearbly Chipotle (where he is greeted warmly). I too prefer ordering through a person vs a screen.

But okay, I am feeling a certain similarity of rhythm and flow between Mancow's reviews and a certain president's dizzying "weaves." Here's a Jersey Mike's review:

And a snippet from a Buona Beef review:

Again, I'm no fan of kiosks, but you'd have to wait a long time for something like the phrase "total loser of an idea" to come out of my mouth.

On top of that, I've seen multiple reviews where people are referred to as Capulets (those viewed as stupid, slovenly, or otherwise lesser-than), and that's just a bold mindset to operate with on the daily.

Is there any hypocrisy, Matt? Just wait-

A restaurant:

And another:

So. Does the owner matter? It seems like it matters if it's a Christian owner. And maybe a local owner (that's great). So is it only meaningless who the owner is if the owner is (allegedly) a woman?

Maybe I am cherrypicking a bit. But if that's the way to get a response, to poke and prod and provoke, well, who can blame me? I listened to Mancow for a few years after college. But once I stopped, I didn't look back. This caption may be true for some people, but eh, not me, fam.

I’m sure we could dive in on the psychology of someone who is so accustomed to having their voice heard on the radio who is likely having far less of an impact on Yelp, but still posts their rants and reviews like the rest of us anyway. But I’m neither smart enough or dumb enough to effectively weigh in on that.

If you want to read his reviews, just like if you want to listen to the things he says, you do you, boo. The link is back at the top of the page.